fiwit's blog: Would I, if I could?

If I could turn back time, erase the grey from your muzzle and see again the sleek blackness of your youth, would I?

If I could turn back time, experience again the joy of your discovering this thing called a bed, would I?

If I could turn back time, to when warm days called for a dip in the wading pool and a full-speed dash around the yard, would I?

Or would turning back time erase not just the gray from your muzzle, but the memory of that first time you trusted me?

Would turning back time erase the memory of how wonderful it felt when you would lie beside me in the bed, one paw touching my leg to assure yourself I was  there?

Or the way your eyes follow me all around the room, and how you whine when I leave you behind, even though you hate going with me?

Would turning back time erase the memories of all those firsts we had together -- the first time you ran to me when you were scared; the first time you walked around someone you usually avoided, but this time he was between you and me, and you wanted to be beside me; the first time you treated me to your happy-happy-mommy's-home dance.

Would I risk losing those memories just to have you young again?

No, for those memories bind us together. Those memories are what make you so precious to me, watching you blossom from the shy scared dog of 2004 to the silver senior sneaking the other dogs' food. 

But I hate the silver in your muzzle, the hitch in your step, the pain in your back. They remind me that you are 13 now, not 4. That we're in your bonus years, and bonus years don't last forever.

I hate the effect your age has on your body, and the constant wondering when you'll decide enough's enough, and there's a rainbow bridge right outside your doorway.

I don't have enough words to tell you how much I love you; how precious you are to me and how honored and humbled I am that you chose me to be your person, and your safe place.  All I have are tears as I witness your aging, and an ache in my heart as I treasure these precious days together.

If I could turn back time, and choose again to love that shy black greyhound with half a tail, even knowing that one day my heart would ache from that love, would I?

You bet I would.

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