Maybe as you get older and can no longer do things you do it is normal to become a bit depressed and lonely. My local friends are all dead, really, and I have four friends in other states but one of them no longer knows who I am when I call her, and one can no longer reply to my mail because she can't see to write anymore, and so it goes.

I was wondering if there is anyone here who is experiencing similar problems. My plants and pets and my faith in God are what keep me going. I hate to complain because my health could be worse and I have a wonderful home, but I am lonely at times for adult
conversation. My family is very small. My two children are both very supportive but also have lives of their own. I live in the same farm as my daughter and still only see her for a few minutes each day before dinner so she can check on me. I live with three male pets.
Tony the Pony lives here on the farm and he and I have been long time sweethearts.



Charle, my companion Cavalier also have a wonderful relationship



Last but not lease my Double Yellow Headed Amazon, Gunny




lastly, but far from least, my plants love to hear me sing and yell at the animals. I feel terrible when I have neglected to water them because I had a bad day but they seem to understand and are doing very well. One thing about plants, they can't talk back.

Thank you for reading this and I do hope you have a wonderful day. Think Happy Thoughts! Never stop singing!

I insist on staying as positive as possible but being a very old human being, it is almost impossible at times. Just curious if there is anyone else having a problem with living too long in these so called Golden Years.

If this is not an appropriate conversation to have in the sandbox please feel free to delete it. I will understand.

It sounds like you are doing very well, JB! I can understand being lonely. I'm a few years younger, but we're already seeing most of our friends pass on. Our kids don't live in the same state, so we see them only a few times a year. I'm glad you get to be with your daughter even a little bit each day. As you have found, pets are wonderful companions and help keep us moving and caring for them. Our plants are also great for keeping us going. I can't wait to get out to my greenhouse and see the daily changes in my plants.

I get out in the greenhouse when my "friend" comes. I pay a lady to help me do things I can not do alone. That includes greenhouse chores. She loves the animals and the plants. Her Mother was a friend who passed years ago and her girls help me at a price of course. We are able to take Charle a walk and make sure I see Tony the Pony. She and Gunny get along since she also had parrots when her Mother was alive.

It is not like having a husband or family member around but it certainly is better than nothing. I have my hobbies here on the farm but I have just had 10 days of vertigo and that really sets you back a bit. We have just finished our month of selling Christmas trees and now we put all the inventory away from the store and we were just planning on what we wanted to do this winter to keep positive and busy.

When I was with the Office of Aging I spent a lot of time helping senior citizens keep busy and I use some of my experience in my own life now. I know many older people do not want to admit they have a problem with anxiety or depression due to loneliness and many have families that just ignore them. There are people out there who are very willing to share their time but unfortunately many of them also want paid. One group I started when I was working was the Friendly Visitor program. That was very well accepted and helped many older people because they were all trained volunteers who were paired up with older people with the same interests. Living in the country is a problem for many older people also. No neighbors to check in on them next door.

I don't mean to ramble on but I know how long a day can be if you do not have any interests to keep you busy. Just curious how many of us in Dave's family need some place or someone to visit? Nothing to be ashamed of. Getting older is a gift God has given us and if you can not grow old with dignity it is so sad.

I empathize with you, strongly.
My dad told me a few years before he died:
You know what is golden about the golden years -- Not one damn thing!

I am very fortunate but like your father, there are so many older people out there who need someone to call a friend. I would love to be young again and really try and make a difference for some of them. There are those who can no longer function and would love to have someone to talk to and just hear another human voice. I can relate now because I am 90 and have my animals, flowers and humans but I am still lonely at times because all of my loved ones that could relate to my aging problems are gone. Unless you have been here, old and unable to do what you want to do, it is difficult to relate unless you really study and try to understand the aging process.

I just heard a lady the other day who just retire., in her 60s say she hated the "Golden Years" . There had to be a reason they called them the Golden Years but I have yet to find it and I am one as I said before, of the lucky ones.

You have a wonderful evening and next time you come in contact with someone over 80, give them a hug. See what happens!

I have a feeling you're doing much better than most your age, JB. You do have your pets and your interests and can still do them with a bit of help. That vertigo must be the pits but I hope you soon have some good days, free of it.

I do not mean to complain honestly. And, I could not ask for a better home and family. I think after my husband died and my mother came to live with me at my farm I was so busy taking care of her and working part time (I was in my 70s then) then she died at home with me by her side. I lived there for a few years alone. Loving it because I had my bird breeding business and felt good. Then one night in the middle of the night someone tried to break into my house. I have always had a weapon ( had a license to carry in PA for my job) so I got my weapon and loaded it and called 911. Told the police someone was trying to break in and I was armed and will shoot if I must. They stayed on the line and fortunately the one man heard the dog and decided after about 5 minutes decided to leave the property. They had their car hidden behind trees but I was able to see them pull away. I looked to see if the door was damaged and it was slightly but fortunately it did not give way to their actions.
My first mistake was telling my kids a few days later and for months all I heard was that they wanted me to sell and move to their farm. The rest is history. I did sell and move and that is when all my problems mentally and physically began. I think when older people have the trauma of leaving their homes and moving into a place where they know will be their last home it takes something out of them. It is hard to explain but when you give or sell some of your oldest treasurers because you have no room for them at the new residence it is heartbreaking. I had to sell all my birds and breeding equipment, plus furniture, old treasurers collected over the years and most of all my home that I loved with a passion. But, in order to keep peace with the kids and I knew the time had come since I could not afford to keep hiring people to maintain the old house, I had no choice. Fortunately I got an offer just days after it went on the market and the offer was more than I had expected. The place sold and I built an extension to my daughters home and moved. Here I am, 15 years later . My resisence is 30 x 30 and I have everything I need, but I miss my large house, I miss my woods and wild animals and gardens, I miss my privacy and most of all I miss the feeling that I left something behind. So many things happened to change my life while living at my farm. Some good and some horrible. Loosing both my husband and my mother I guess I felt I was leaving them behind too. Who knows what we think at times like that. So, another chapter in the Golden Years has passed. When a older person has to be uprooted from their home and move to an entire new location and environment it is just another change in your life during those Golden Years.

Thanks for sharing that with us, JB. I'm sorry you had to leave everything you loved, and move. You were very lucky to have children who wanted you with them. That in itself is a wonderful blessing.

I'm sure it was hard going from being totally independent to having people around all the time. Try to think of the positives of your situation. You are comfortable, well housed and fed, and have people around in case of problems. Give Charle and Gunny a hug.

Can you still read? I do a lot of reading, and it's something I can do that doesn't hurt. Everything else hurts.I do wish I could do what I did just a few years ago, but it's not to be. As one of my Aunts always said, "We just have to keep on keeping on."

My one good eye has a cataract now and it is growing. The surgeon does not want to operate until it is absolutely necessary just in case something would go wrong. (nice thought). Anyhow I use audible on my phone connected to my hearing aids and read several books a week that way. I love mystery novels and spend my evenings doing that and watching the news.
I am sorry to hear you have some problems also. I actually put this up to see if there was anyone out there in their later years who were on this list. I should have known there are very few in their late 80s and 90s that use a PC. I still have to write letters to my two friends who still know me and can read them. As I said before, the other two are no longer able to participate in the letter writing. That is so sad since we are all the same age or at least near that. I am the baby of the group at 90. My cousin God Bless her is 96 and when I talk to her on the phone she remembers my voice but not sure who I am. She was a very smart professional woman who had a great life and now she outlived her money and was sent from the private nursing home to a County Home. If she knew that she would be so embarrassed. She had never married and always had the best of everything. Thank God she has no clue where she is. I just bought her some new sweaters and my kids got her some slacks. The home takes all her income but 30.00 a month and that is for her own personal needs. Big deal. She gets her hair done when my daughter in law insists. It is truly a shame that the older you get the harder it gets for you to survive.

I am so Blessed! Tell me about your pain....chronic pain is so distressing.

I have a neighbor who has pain everytime she goes to the bathroom ...so bad she crys and she is a tough lady. She has been to all the top doctors in NJ and PA at the best hospitals and NONE of them can help her because they can not find the reason. We have no idea how lucky we are until we hear those kind of stories.
What kind of books do you read? Are you still gardening? Do you have any children? If it was not for my daughter being so protective and watching every move I make, I would move to the outer banks of North Carolina and just sit on the beach until I die. I love the ocean and the NJ beaches just can't compare to the NC Outer Banks. NJ is the pits with all sorts of corruption and drug crap. I am so glad I am no longer working. I stay away from the city as much as possible. I go to small town stores when I must.
You are so talented...your work is beautiful. I love the seahorse. I have shells and glass and pebbles around my bird room with air plants on drift wood with moss. I bring the ocean to me since we live about half hour from the actual water. I would have moved to a little place called Ortly Beach years ago but my husband talked me out of it. He felt the farm inland would be better for us. Then he up and died and I was stuck inland. Good thing because the last big storm I think it was Sandy, totally destroyed every house on Ortly Beach. I guess God had a plan for me and I am glad I listened to my husband.
I had better get moving here. I have some little things I need to do. I am taking a course on the Bible and I need to study. It is a very interesting course made up of 7 Parts. I have it on audible and you study the Bible taught by a Literature Professor. It is a 1 year course that they offer in one of the California Universities. Very interesting and really a different way to study the Bible, but more interesting than the regular Bible Study Classes. They bored me to no end. He makes everything sound like a story you can relate to as well as teach the literary side of it also. I hope to hear from you again. Stay positive.

Do you have a senior van in your area that will pick you up? It usually a nominal fee like 5 dollars and they will pick you up for errands, appointments, etc. I was thinking they could take you to your senior center once or twice a week. We belong to our senior center and have taken the tour but don't go only because of too many things going on in our lives right now. Ours has areas for cards, board games, billiards, computer room, library, puzzle room, exercise room, or just sit around and chat, etc. They also do day trips and longer trips. They serve lunch too which is free. Would this be an option for you?

Thank you for your compliments on my work. I do enjoy it, and should get up to my craft room and get busy. Time flies when I do that! I have such a huge stash of sea glass and sea shells.

We share that love of the ocean! I'm far from it right now and think about it all the time. I keep all of my underwater and beach photos close by and love them! Once in a while we make it to a beach, but the last few times we were in Florida the no-see-ums ate us up. They seem to be there year round now. We need to find another beach to visit.

I have to garden indoors or in my greenhouse. Outside the critters eat everything I plant. I do enjoy it and have kept it going so far. I'm getting my seeds ready to grow soon.

I read just about everything. My favorites are mysteries and bios. I use a Kindle. Our daughter gave it to me, and I didn't really want it at the time. Now I can't live without one. I use it daily, and if it ever dies, I'll have to replace it.

Our kids are in other states, so we only see them when we travel there, or they come to us. It only ends up 2 or 3 times a year if we're lucky. They're so busy with family and professional careers. The grand kids are growing up fast! The oldest just started driving.

I think what you are going through is normal, Jacquie. So many changes after decades of comfort must be hard. But you do have your memories.

My Mother-In-Law is now 93. Some 10 years ago she would tell us she "went to another funeral". I said, "AGAIN?!" She went to a lot of funerals back then. I suppose it is passage in life. Sort of like all your friends getting married, then having children, then some get divorced. some have grandchildren, etc., etc.. Now all but one of her friends are gone. Mom is now totally blind from Macular Degeneration. The boys want her to sell her house and move somewhere smaller. But she has lived in her house for 65 years. I don't want her to move. She is blind and it's what she knows. She uses a walker and needs help but at least she knows where she is. But she recently hired in-home care. It's made all the difference in the world. Not only do these ladies help her, cook, clean, and take care of her, they are a social outlet for her. I have never seen her so happy!

And this thing about Nursing homes taking all elder's money until they have none. SMH I don't get it??? Why does living until you die have to make one destitute?.

Hi Jacquie,
You have really led a fascinating life, the bird breeding sounds really interesting! There used to be a couple in our neighborhood that used to breed the large macaws, during the summer they would have them out in their front yard enjoying the outdoors. When I was younger (mid 60s), I used to work at Docktor's Pet Center, always remember the beautiful macaws that we had, the manager of the store owned several!

Jacquie, have you ever thought of taking a seniors tour? A friend of ours used to take seniors on tours to different parts of the country, they always had a theme, I think the age started at 70 and went up from there.

Curious as to what is causing your vertigo? I know that can be very unsettling.

Cheryl, I hope your mom has lucked out and has honest caregivers. My mom cared for my dad til he died. When she needed help she hired people from care giving companies. Nearly every one of them stole her things, and she had so many different people in the house that she could never determine who was doing it. It was really sad.

Later on she went into an adult group home where they cared for about 7 seniors in a home setting. It was very nice, but was about $6500 a month just to live there. I can see how people run out of money and have to go to the cheap places that take medicaid. All types of help cost a fortune, even when the people aren't nurses or even nurses aids.

Senior tours sound fun if there are people around who can care for your plants and pets.

Good Morning everyone, it is really nice to hear from you all and thanks for the comments and suggestions. I guess I am spoiled when it comes to extra activities. When my first husband was alive and we had the four kids, two of his and one of mine and one of ours, we traveled as often as he could fit it into his schedule. He was a fanatic about travel, in fact he went on 3 trips around the world in the 20 years we were married. He was a brilliant criminal attorney and when he was not in the court room he was on a trip or had the family on trips. So, when someone suggests maybe a tour or a trip to the casino on a bus, it sounds great, but I am not one to enjoy bus trips or much travel at all anymore due to the vertigo. It is amazing when you have an inner ear problem how debilitating it can be. The motion of watching trees or poles pass in the car sets me off. I live on dramamine when I have to go into town or the doctors office. One of my favorite things to do is to get on the tractor and cut the grass in the Christmas Tree fields. I found that even going up and down the rows of trees in the field sets off the vertigo. I have a golf cart to run around the farm on and sometimes driving that makes me feel weird.
I am not complaining, I am so fortunate and still enjoy some of the old hobbies I had but the lack of human conversation is difficult.

I can not even think about being totally blind without having a panic attack. I see my eye physician/surgeon on a regular basis to keep my one eye healthy. That is my biggest fear which causes the anxiety. I can not even imagine life without being able to see my flowers and pets. God Bless your Mother in law and I hope she is being well cared for in the setting she loves.

My vertigo is caused by my inner ear problem, labrynithitis. I have had it since I was in my 40s but it never became a problem until I began loosing my hearing and having what my eye physician calls them "silent migranes" ....all caused by stress and sinus and changes in the barametric pressures...you name it, and it is no doubt on the listl Vestibular problems are not uncommon but most people do not want to even discuss them since they can honestly change your attitude and life completely. There are many support groups online for those of us who need nuturing and companionship of people who share the same annoying irritations we do. A vertigo attack can last minutes, hours, days and weeks. Some people suffer for years at a time. Fortunately mine only last a few days or weeks. Just now I got over one that I had for approximately 10 days. I set it off worrying about my daughters health issues I think. I hope that answers your question #Rj. Mine have caused me to be afraid of leaving the house at times. Anxiety and depression are my worst enemies all brought on as a result of the vertigo. That is why I need to keep busy with my projects and studies and friends like you all on the internet. I am or was a very funny, strong, active and hell raising person and would try most anything anytime but no more. The golden years have taken their toll on me but as I keep telling my kids, I HAD FUN GETTING THIS WAY! Have a wonderful day and be kind to an old person today if you have the opportunity.

Jacquie, you're right. You have been blessed in many ways.

I have a wonderful husband and son, but no other real family. Our son lives at the other end of the country, so we only see him twice a year- Christmas and a week in summer. I haven't spoken to my only brother since he failed to show up for our Mother's funeral 3 years ago. As far as I'm concerned, I have no siblings. So if I live to be your age, I'll be in the same boat, or worse.

My Mom lived to be 90. She had been widowed at the tender age of 44. She had 2 kids- me and my older brother who moved to Florida 40 years ago and only visited his Mom 3 or 4 times in those years, and then only for an hour or two. She was terribly arthritic and could only get around in a mobility chair the last few years of her life. When she was 80 she moved into a retirement community. It was a wonderful place and she loved it there. (She had outlived her 2 sisters and all of her friends). It was a Catholic facility which promised to keep her for the rest of her life, even if she rain out of money. And she did run out of money and I had to put her on Medicaid for the last 2 years. She started in independent living and later assisted living, but she never had to move from her original apartment. When she was on assisted living, the nurses came to her. She often told me how fortunate she was to have lived there and made so many friends. The facility was only a few miles from my house, I saw her often, and, after I retired, I spent several days a week with her.

There are nice people and nice places out there for seniors. You are Catholic, aren't you? (I remember your photo of the dog chewing your rosary!). Maybe your church could help you connect with other seniors.

Karen

Karen, that is so nice of you to have been so good to your mother. You will never regret it. I do not regret caring for my Mother and even though it took so much out of me emotionally watching her die and still getting awake at 2 a.m. to give her her meds, I would never change a thing and I would do it again over and over if need be.

The Church sends me my Euchrist by a lovely lady who is in her 60s. We visit every two weeks and she too tells me about her other homebounds who are my age and have no living friends. Believe me, I have looked into many places but have found none that made me happy. There are so many unhappy people in this world especially those who attend Senior Centers or Senior Groups and it seems all they want to talk about is how miserable they are. That is just not my cup of tea. I would rather stay home and be happy and lonely. Really I have tried. The other part is that living in the country it is so much easier to hire a driver if I can't find any other ride than wait for and hope they show up, a senior bus. I do think if I lived in a town it would be easier to connect with people but here in the country it is not. I prefer living in the Country for many reasons. My animals and my plants top my list!