Oh Frillylily--my heart is breaking for you. I know the despair of seeing beloved gardens, years of accomplishment and joy not to mention sweat, tears, time, and $$$, demolished while looking at an apparently bleak and hopeless start-over situation. It IS waaaay too depressing--almost incapacitating. I know.
(my first house lost it's foundation; insurance wouldn't fix it; I couldn't fix it; insurance Co. cancelled me; bank offered to insure me for triple the mortgage. Needless to say, I took a total bath on that. Buyer paid cash outright, ruined the gardens, shored up the house a bit and rented it out. kills me. I'm still paying the mortgage and regularly hemorrhaging cash for repairs on the second house and 7+ acres in the middle-of-nowhere; can't sell it--no body wants it. Haven't seen it so I don't know what's become of my gardens, but I hear that only the ones without boulders were mowed down and the rest are overgrown/outtacontrol/weedy. kills me too. and you already know quite a bit of the story of my current dump-in-progress)
I don't know if it helps at all--but I really do feel for you! And I know that you can imagine what it will take--a lot of time and a lot of work and a lot of love--because that's what you put into your lost gardens...
(And seriously, how can you even visit your mother?)
my suggestion--start small, get some instant gratification with some containers while you labor to improve some soil in an area that you can see and appreciate everyday and put some of your favorite plants and flowers there. You can move them later when designs come together. It will help you feel better. and then it will be less depressing to think about and work on the rest of it--a little bit at a time
