How do parents do this year after year? Boy-child woke crying twice last night. One or both babies wake me 1-5 times nearly every night. Even without the MS, I think I would be way too exhausted to keep this up for years on end.
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Several New Day. $%&&*^#% Shorty is ‘lightheaded and dizzy’ and has to come home from school. Well, she shouldn’t have taken a pain pill from one of her ‘friends’ yesterday. GRRRRRRRR There goes my solitude, again, and I was sooooo looking forward to some time by myself. They have no concept of how difficult it is having them around all the time when I can’t escape. I know I am whining, but it is just so frustrating sometimes.
I will say that Shorty FINALLY got the birth control implant. Thank you, God, for making it possible. (Big whew, BIG relief) Effective for three years, unless she is that 1 in 100 (ack, NO!). Last thing we need is ANOTHER baby running around here to be supported, so I do commend her sensibility.
Iris stalks are doing weird things. Breaking off at the base when there has been no wind, growing with a 45 degree bend in the middle, twisty-swirly surrounding foliage. But I gots flowers! ChiChi Ruellia that was transplanted to fence line is coming back even after the really cold winter temps. Yipsy! Also happy to see pink Gerbera planted in the memorial bed is growing.
Oh. Yea. Blondy texts that boy-child is coming back this evening instead of tomorrow. Oh. Joy. I love that boy to death, I just sure do need some “Auntie beese all alone” time…sigh.
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New day.
I hate teenagers.
So, boy-child gets back from his mother last night, wakes at 11:30p, 12:32a, and, for good at 5:02a…sigh…Knees and elbows hurt most of the time now. Fer shure, part of it is sitting in a chair too long, but I think I have worn them out and the lack of real rest isn’t helping. Working on a two-day a week daycare arrangement. Ordered a slip-on knee brace.
Mick Jagger? Or maybe it is an Ent come to town... ROFL (well, it is amusing to me :-p)
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New day. Another busted solitude, same week. Boy-child went to his mother yesterday, supposed to stay at least until tomorrow. Get up this morning and find that both Shorty and girl-child will be here all day. Again?!?!? Girl-child has been sick and can’t go to daycare until fever has been gone at least 24 hours. I feel badly for her, I truly do, it's just...again?!?!? Tree trimmers coming first thing today, so I have to be up and dressed anyway, but still…whine, whine, whine. {{eeeevil snicker}} Shorty was stomping around at 9:00a complaining on the phone about the tree trimmers’ noise. {{snicker, snortle, chort}} Should maybe have gone to bed before 3:00am when you KNEW you were going to have to get up with your kid as usual anyway. The reason I know Shorty was still up at that time is because girl-child had started crying and was left to cry long enough for me to wake and get up to go see about her. Shorty was outside smoking and texting...sigh...
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Several New Day. I still hate teenagers. Shorty has missed so much school she won’t be graduating. No way to make it up. I am tired…ppllbbbttttt.
Monday, sister chewed on Blondy about getting her priorities straight, so now Blondy is taking boy-child for two weeks. Uh-huh, we’ll see. Had a tearful conversation with sister yesterday morning. Told her I didn’t want boy to be screwed up like his mother and her sister; that if the DNA came back positive and the daddy filed custody, I would not lie on the stand for Blondy which means daddy will win and who knows how often we would see him; that I have contacted a legal agency that works on a sliding scale to see about guardianship; and that I would do whatever it takes to protect the baby no matter who it made mad (meaning her). For the first time she mentioned getting guardianship herself, along with her fiancé. We’ll see what happens, there, too. Might be the best thing. I have deep anxieties about how long I can keep up with him before the MS and forty'leven other things take me out; they understand kids, he is as devoted to his grandkids as she is to hers; Blondy would still be involved in boy-child’s life; and he can come stay with me a couple of days every week or two to give them a break. And to give me time with him. It hurts to have him gone. Funny, ain’t it? Me, Miss Solitude Queen wants a toddler back in the house. Well, I do like and need some solitude no matter what else happens, but I LOVE that boy…sigh, nothing like rationality, huh. The only thing I know fer shure is that I will do anything I can to give him a stable, reasonably calm home and I guess that is what is most important.
Dug some plants I promised to send to a couple of folks and got those out. Made me feel like I accomplished something. Needed that after the morning chat with sister. ;-p
Bought a cordless Weed Eater and tried it out this morning. Have a lot of adjusting to do to use it without hurtin’ meself—that battery end is HEAVY! But it works well and the 15-inch tall stuff in the alley is down, now. If I get a cordless mower, I think I can and would use them both, and then be mostly independent of paid services. Planted the eight Cheyenne Spirit Echinacea in various places. Moved the yellow Marigold to the new vegetable bed—two tomato plants and two pepper plants, yea!! AND, while I was digging spots for the Echinacea, I found that the dwarf Ruellia I thought lost to winter cold are growing!!!! Yippee!!!!! I was happy, happy. AND ANNNNND, I saw one teeny tiny new little leaf trying to grow on a Mexican Heather!!!!! Maybe all is not lost…
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Very early New Day. Woke up at 12:30a and couldn’t go back to sleep. These new Diabetes and cholesterol medications are kicking my butt. Side effects are just lovely, aren’t they? It is too nice outside these days to lay around, not to mention too boring to lay around, so while boy-child is gone, I have been puttering a bit, going in and resting, then puttering some more. Soon enough, it will be too hot to be outside for long and I want to enjoy the mild weather while we have it. Lovely, lovely, flowers are there for me to just contemplate and breathe in and, of course, take pictures of!! Taking some antihistamine and going back to sleep. Tom Kha soup coming for lunch and I want to be ready! LOL
Scary to have both babies walking, now. Girl-child is significantly more agile than boy-child was at the same age; she can and does get into ANYTHING. The saving grace, if you can call it that, is that she spends 80% of her waking time at daycare or with the other grandparents, so the danger here is more limited. Shorty is essentially a part-time mother, even though she would react indignantly to that statement.
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New day. The unexpected deep freeze a couple of weeks ago has set everything back. Lots of mushy, dead foliage, particularly on the roses, which had all leafed out. Don’t think will get many bulb flowers, although I do have many more than last year since the bulbs were moved. And the St. Keverne from the not-a-raffle are prodigious producers already! It is early yet, and many more bulbs may pop up some blooms if I wait to see. I am just impatient.
Boy-child is with his mother for a few days. She lost her job and as I am sick, again, and, well…and I’m bored today. Awfully chilly and windy to do much outside like this. The sun is shining which is a good thing. Think I’d dose myself into temporary oblivion if it were cloudy, too. Unless it were cloudy and raining. Then I’d be dancing and leaping…well, dancing and jumping in place (I can do that pretty safely without falling down). We have such a rainfall deficit that I am very concerned for plants making it through the late Spring and into Summer. Not just my yard, although that is a HUGE concern, but grassfires have already started being problems and we have ongoing water restrictions. It could get really bad really quickly. Maybe I should be preemptive and go out to DO a rain dance rather than waiting to dance IN the rain!
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Several New Day.
Snowdrops. I love snowdrops. Never had any until this year. And the Avalanche Daffodils from the OHG shipment have several tiny daffodil-type blooms per stem. Fun.
One of the two yellow Salvias I received from Wayside Gardens on my gift certificate died within a week of receipt. Emailed the problem description so I could attach supporting photographs and got, “…we appreciate hearing from you. We apologize, there are no photos attached. Again, thank you for writing to us. If you have any further questions or comments, please do not hesitate to contact us…” Boy, was I mad. How insulting for a service department to brush off a customer like that! Sheesh. After responding to that reply, with the photographs reattached, and receiving no answer two days later, I called. In the end, they did say they were sending another plant, but the FIRST response was, “But you just received those plants a week ago.” (patiently) Yes, but one is dead. Crispy, broken-brown dead. “Okay, let me check to see if we received the email.” Okay, let’s do that. “Oh, yes, we received your email and already replied.” Whhhaaaat? Yeah, I KNOW you already ‘replied’ and that ‘reply’ was unsatisfactory. GRRRRRRR Over the last seven years, I have bought a lot of plants from that company directly and also from gift certificates. Have had issues on occasion, including wrong plants sent, but in all previous cases I just let it go or the plant eventually perked up. First time I have ever contacted them about a problem, but I really wanted this one. I can sure see now why they have developed such a bad reputation. Going to ask my friend to gift from another company in the future. Sad.
Good Salvia Bad Salvia (right before it completely croaked)
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More New Day. Boy-child went to his mother yesterday afternoon. Be back tonight. Dug out some of a street-side bed with heavy, black-gumbo clay soil. Horrible stuff to dig. Moved in some randomly NOID Daylilies and Iris, mulched that side, then threw the rest of the mulch into the baseball bed. Hurt mucho much-oh today. Pulled what I think is a ligament in the back of my right leg just above the knee. Doesn't feel like a muscle, but who knows. Elbows, shoulders, and back hurthurthurt. Have to learn I am too old to be sedentary for weeks on end, then charge out like Secretariat without paying a heavy penalty. But it is done and I have some more empty pots, now. Yea! Just in time to fill them up again with incoming stuff from other folk.
Doctor appointment Friday morning. Not looking forward to the scale. I have been eating so much, so continuously I have gained back most of the 15 pounds I lost that last year working. I feel disgusting and can’t seem to stop. Been here lots of times before and I know it is the stress of keeping boy-child. Asked sister to set up a meeting with her, Blondy, and me to make a plan on how to get him into daycare or something. He needs so much more interaction and stimulation now than he has in previous months and I am at the end of my resources, don’t have anything additional to give.
Officer Jillian’s Orangeola is leafing out again {{satisfied sigh}}. The Veronica in with the tree is flourishing, too, which I really like because I thought it was a goner from the extreme freezes this year. Amethyst in Snow doesn’t have blooms yet, but I liked the light on leaves so well, I had to shoot it. Emerald Blue creeping phlox has some real blooms this year. Miss Bateman clematis has buds. The strawberry plant overwintered and is putting on new leaves. Maybe I just need more Spring…
Been kind of numb the last few months. Trying to hold on an even course and not wallow in it. :-p I know part of the grey funk is the drain from health problems, part from financial problems, and a really big part from having to give up my Willie-dog because he couldn't adjust to toddlers. I deeply resent the fact that I had to find another home for my baby, whom I have had since he was eight weeks old, because Blondy doesn’t want to act like a mother to her own baby. Very thankful I haven’t yet taken it out on boy-child. Nothing that registered with him, at least, for which I am devoutly thankful. It isn’t his fault. And he is a really good child, happy and even-tempered, which helps a lot. :-) Money is slowly getting better, too, where we don’t have to worry about the lights being cut off or enough food for the kids. Thumbs up!
Really sick of the pig-sty life in which these people wallow, and of neither of them doing even the minimum they agreed to with regard to housekeeping. “I’m too tired,” or “I don’t have time.” But they each have all kinds of energy and time to help clean someone ELSE’S house? GRRRRRRRR Have out of state visitors coming next week and I’m going to have to do what I can myself. Which doesn’t make me feel any happier. Started actively thinking of how to get Shorty and girl-child out of here. She graduates in June and if she thinks she is going to sleep all day, eat and text and watch television all night while expecting others to take care of her kid she is wrong, wrong, wrong. One of THOSE is enough. Sister will be gone soon enough—gentleman friend proposed and she accepted. Maybe even sooner, now. Once again, I am the bad guy for ‘making’ Shorty cry. I didn’t impose many house rules when they moved in, but she consistently flouts the one about being back at the house by 10:00pm unless other arrangements are made. Not a doormat here and if she cries because I am now going to really enforce the rule (after six months of arguing with her), so be it.
Even though we have had an unusually cold winter, most of my plants are showing new growth and even have some blooms, which is helping me to feel better. Since writing that last line, we had another 16 degree morning, freezing some of the daffodil buds already up and making mush out of quite a few daylilies’ foliage. But the surprising thing to me is how many plants don’t seem to have been affected, including the snap peas I direct sowed for the first time ever! I am really eager to see the yard this Spring. Much of what is in ground will be fully mature this year and I should have a spectacular show. Yea!
Blondy is in court today with boy-child to have DNA testing done on potential daddy #3. Sheesh. I’m not saying I was a saint in my youth by ANY means. Many folks would consider my behavior to have been just as shady as hers. Well, I do myself most of the time. But I kept it to one at a time, at least. If this guy is the one, sister says he is not too thuggy, would want to participate in rearing his child, and that his parents are jewels. Praying hard, there. The boy needs a daddy and I need someone else to help carry the load.
My bestest friend ever sent me a Wayside Gardens gift certificate for my birthday. After hemming and hawing and researching and asking for advice, I ordered two yellow Salvias and a Munstead Lavender. My Provence Lavender lost all but one branch this past Fall and needs to be dug up. Planning to put the Munstead in that location. It is much smaller and the Baptisia behind the Provence will be happy with the additional sunlight. Still deciding on where to put the Salvias. They are a cross between Greggi and Macrophylla. Not that I know what those mean, other than the Wild Thing Greggi I have is nearly indestructible. Hoping these yaller things inherited that toughness. Only get about 12” x 12”, so there is a lot of flexibility in siting them.
Bought some Bionic Rose Gauntlet Gloves to use with cutting down the monster climbers in back. Worked really well for trimming up all the roses in front. Was planning on starting on the back the next week…until I saw a wasp flying around close to it. Noooooooo, doan wannnnnnnnnaaaa!!!!
Going to get yard service estimates for their cost to cut it back before I decide what to do. It has to come down because it is draped/growing over the neighbor’s connecting fence panel and that fence is in bad shape. Don’t want the rose canes’ weight to take down the neighbor’s fence. Will see where it ends up. Tis one adventure after another in the garden and I wouldn't change much about them...except for no more wasp stings... :-P
Breathe deep…breathe deep…breathe deep. Okay, so at 7:23pm last night, Blondy casually announces she is going to work and her ride is almost here. Uh-huh. Your work start time is 7:00pm. You said you didn't have to work, that you just wanted to be allowed to stay overnight to get a ride to court. Which means you lied to all of us—again. Made a big deal of ‘I’m coming back here’ when sister challenged her about being ready to go at 6:30am this morning for court. Okay, again. And what time did you come sneaking in? Yep, 5:10am this morning. But did you get ready to go to court? No, you sacked out on the couch until sister woke you at 6:00. Woke you again at 6:15. So who gets pissy and stompy when we all try to hurry her out the door? When she has been told at least three times in my hearing that she needed to be ready to leave at 6:30 and no later? Later, Shorty tells us that Blondy posted party photos from last night all over her Facebook account. Does she really think we are so stupid as to not look, or does she just not care? It is a true waste of energy, but I am beginning to hate that girl. Contacting Legal Aid today to find out if they will take me as a client and go for custody. Will do so without telling sister. We are going to butt heads on this one because I don’t think she can get past her ‘oh, she’ll be better and straighten up’ mentality. Have no problem going toe-to-toe with her if it comes to boy-child’s well-being.
DNA test done, next hearing is November 18th.
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New Day. Legal Aid only does intake applications by appointment. Phone should be delivered by Thursday, will call then.
Blondy supposed to pick up money from sister for something about which I don't want to know. No show and no call. No show next day. Calls at 8p, said lost phone and to leave money in mailbox. No show. Find out her new ‘friends’ stole her stuff and she is staying somewhere else again. Welp, that was a set-in-concrete-gonna-happen and she has only herself to look to for responsibility.
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New Day. Having a difficult time stepping over the baby gates these days. Today everything creaked, cranked, or clanked. Tempery and impatient with boy-child. Yelled at him for something little. Put him down for a nap early so I wouldn’t yell at him again over something about which I’d feel bad.
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Several New Days. Blondy came by October 7 for five minutes, supposedly to see baby. Came by next day for five minutes, supposedly to see baby, but she had been to her paternal grandparents to ask for money and this place was just on the way. Grrrrrrrrrr. Came next day, she said to spend day with boy-child, but she has all her stuff with her and I think she just needed someplace to be. Boy ran to her and stayed for a few minutes, then came back to me in my room. Didn’t want to go out to his mother. A petty part of me is snickering. The better part of me is sad.
Good feeling having a little money again. Called yard man. Getting estimates for several jobs that have been put off for a lonnnnggg time.
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New Day. Food aid getting cut off because they somehow decided Shorty and girl-child don’t live here any longer. Time for that dance again. Boy-child has cold. Going to other grandparents tomorrow night.
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Many New Days. Been really creaky, weary, cranky, weepy, and just worn down. DNA hearing is now November 5. If proved out, and if this guy is fit, I will be pushing for him to get custody. Don’t think I have the stamina to keep up with boy-child really long-term and Blondy will never be ready to take him back. The guy she is living with right now shoved her around, hit her in the stomach, threw her phone, and took her money because she challenged him on having another girl in the bed while she was at work. Her bad choices, her consequences. She left for a day, but went back. Says ‘they talked it out and he apologized.’ Yeah, I’m sure he did. Just as sure as I am that this will happen again and worse and sooner. Then he will apologize again, she will go back, and here’s the merry-go-round one more time…sigh. What makes me maddest about her fecklessness is that she didn’t renew boy-child’s Medicaid even when sister and I BOTH reminded her and she said, "Oh, yeah, I need to do that, I'll do that." Found out AFTER I got him to the doctor that it was inactive. He needed to be seen, so I paid the fee using money I had finally gathered for one of my meds. Told sister to text Blondy that she was NOT to come around here for awhile until I calmed down or I would physically hurt her. I mean I was ready to slam her up against the wall and bang her head. I only ever get that angry when it comes to babies and kids being neglected, but I HATE it when it happens and am extremely thankful it happens so rarely. All that hostility gives me a headache. Blondy had the stones to come by anyway, said she had the money put aside and would pay me back. But she let this *^$!*& take it, so I am just SOL on that one. GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Okay, nicer thoughts, nicer thoughts. OHG bulbs shipped. They were quite generous with the substitutions, almost doubling the amount of bulbs I was supposed to get. One of them is the same name as Shorty’s mama’s nickname and I am putting those in the memorial bed.
Got three noid Clematis, a Lemon Fizz Kordes Rose, a Raspberry Sundae Peony and two Celebrity Peonies from mj. Dug up and potted an Agapanthus and a Thai Basil to plant the Raspberry and Lemon–fruity theme here? . Put the Celebrities in the memorial bed. Planted one of the Clematis by the farthest most Rose of Sharon tree. If the colors are too gaudy for that area, will think of somewhere else. Might keep the other two in pots over Winter. Have an idea for one of them, but have a lot of tree saplings to dig out/kill first. Was hoping for the twining-clinging type, no such luck; howsomeever, I am sure they will be pretty. Might get one of the ones I wanted when she had the sale a couple of years back and couldn’t afford. MAYBE I might even get lucky enough to have an Arctic Queen in there—mine died from my actions and the ONLY source from which to get a replacement wants $25 for one. I don’t like it that much! :-D OR, mayyyyyybe there will be a Venosa Violacea! Have gotten to the point these days where I want only named varieties of plants. Have to say, though, that it is exciting to think about what there will be on the clematis come Spring. The Kordes rose will be great. They all are. Peonies will be a toss-up. I know they will grow, just don’t know if these will bloom in my zone, or where I have them planted. Another Spring surprise, but year after next. Pretty sure won’t have any blooms next year. Will at least see if they leaf out, though. Good enough for the present.
Shorty ditched the loser boyfriend and has a ‘girlfriend’ now…sigh…well, at least she won’t turn up pregnant…
Rain expected for the next 24 hours, up to 4 inches at my house, with some severe weather here and there. Going to put sister’s car under the carport this evening when she gets home in case the hail hits this area. Come on rain, the flowers need ya!!!
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Very little rain. Disappointing, but maybe more next week. In the meantime, the sun is shining today, the temperature is coolly comfortable, and a beautiful breeze is blowing. Time to get outside for awhile.
Trying to cut the climbers back was an adventure. Wasp sting right on the end of my nose ended my efforts right quick! Didn’t have a clue there was a nest in the jungle. Guess a professional will be taking care of it—with a bug bomb and a chainsaw. Going to have to get in the neighbor’s backyard, too. A lot of the growth is over there and that fence is awfully rickety.
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Two next New Day. So sister is leaving the house this afternoon around 3:00, says Blondy needs to find somewhere else to live and, well, she didn’t know, guess she was going to have to get her a hotel room or something. grrrrrr Can we say manipulate, girls and boys? Because I don’t want to have to come up with the money for bills sister is supposed to pay because she spent hers on Blondy, I told her Blondy could come her for the night, but had to go tomorrow…sigh.
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New Day. Asked Blondy when she was leaving. She hemmed and hawed and so on. Told her she couldn’t stay here, any chance of that happening was blown up the last time. Because her work schedule was added to, yada, yada, yada, I gave her until 3:00pm Friday to find someplace else, but she had to go. I gave these kids the shirt off my back. I get to keep my pants and shoes.
Did take advantage of her being here, gave her her kid to watch, and went outside. Had some energy today and accomplished quite a bit. Plan to do the same tomorrow. Might be able to get all the tree saplings in the driveway strip dug up before she leaves.
Shorty took girl-child to doctor today for some kind of rash. Doctor thinks it might be measles…sigh.
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New Day. Sister not happy with me. Told her the deadline I gave Blondy to get out. Says she isn’t going to let Blondy “be on the street.” Okay, as long as she pays the utility bills here as agreed, then the rest is her money, her problem. She can be a doormat—I won’t, especially not for a budding sociopath.
Shorty took girl child back to doctor early this morning for blood work (lab was closed yesterday by the time they got out). Has to go back in two days. Still don’t know what it is, doctor told Shorty girl-child should not be around any other children until he determines the problem. Well, what in the world am I supposed to do with boy-child? Sheesh. Praying it is non-communicable and fast passing. Does mean no day care and Shorty home all week…sigh…well, won’t be a doormat any more for her television viewing habits, either. PBS until 3:00 each and every week day! She can watch what she wants after that…most of the trashy TV is over by then anyway, right? (evil snicker)
Going to be in the low 90s until the weekend. Maybe more rain, then, YEA!!! The area with the saplings is in sun until around 1:30. Have to balance heat fatigue against having someone to keep boy-child while I work outside.
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New Day. Blondy left clothes on the floor in the bathroom and Taco Bell wrappings and cups all around the couch where she is sleeping. Will remind her once we don’t trash the living room. After that, either she takes care of it or she gets to find it all in her bags.
Tried to dig up a larger sapling and no-go, too big. Going to look for something chemical that will kill them if cut, but not damage the Rose of Sharon tree around which they are growing—closely!
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New Day. Oh. Joy. Girl-child’s father filed a CPS complaint. The agent just left. She is going to close the case because it was obvious that the ‘abuse and neglect’ charges were false. Shorty better stick to her determination this time that she will not allow the father to see the child any more unless he takes her to court. Told her NO contact with him, don’t text, don’t call, pretend he doesn’t exist. If he shows at the house, I will send him packing. You don’t send drama to my house out of spite and expect to be received cordially.
Blondy didn’t return from yesterday’s work until after 4:00pm this afternoon. Said she had too much to drink and went home with one of the dancers. Great example, there, for the kid, ain’t it. She-has-to-go She-has-to-go She-has-to-go.
Oooooo! 70% chance of rain Saturday afternoon into evening. YippeeYeaYAHOOOO-DLE!!!! ===============================================================
Several New Day. Blondy left alright, but then asked to stay tonight so sister can get her and boy-child over to sister’s gentleman friend, who is driving them to court. And who will serve as witness to what happens. Blondy shows up at 10:00 this morning all chipper wanting to talk. I don’t think so. There is an old expression about not crapping in your own bed. Well, not only did you crap in it, you smeared it around and ground it in. Told her she was here because it was convenient for my sister and she had to leave by 6:00pm tomorrow…sigh…I don’t like feeling so scrummy for tossing anyone out on the street, but I will.not.be.a.doormat.
Heavy, hard rain on Saturday washed out the mulch in several places and piled it up in others. Too tired to respread it today. Ah, the joys of having MS. Good thing about enforced inactivity, though, is it makes you think. Occurred to me that after the weather turns cold, the wasps in back will be gone and the rose canes will be bare. Can cut to my heart’s content and won’t have to pay someone to take care of it. Save the dough for daylilies. Or dahlias. Or delphinium. Or dianthus. Or…
