And so it is November and Bill is still here although a mear shadow of his former self. We need a bigger house...this place is looking like the showroom for a medical supply company. Got Mz.Walker who scares the crap out of Dixie...go figure, just when Bear is used to nessie. I'm really surprised that Dix hasn't tried to attack yet!!! Thought about tennis balls on the legs, but probably not a good idea...she'd want to play and or attack. LOL Also got the air mattress topper for the hosp. bed. It recycles the air in it's chambers so pressure points don't remain constant thus helping to not cause bed sores. It has a "control box" that hangs on the footboard of the bed that has to be on 24/7. NONE of the dogs like it. Poor D*O*G couldn't get off the bed fast enough the first time he jumped on it. Oh well....the hosp. bed at least has been dog hairless for a few days. Wish I could say the same for the rest of the place. LOVE my dogs...they are FAMILY, but the vaccuum now wants to show it's butt. Guess that's what a broom is for. As long as the furnace hangs in we're OK.
Reckon as how we are at the next plateau/stage of this journey. Bill is even thinner and getting more forgetful/disoriented every day. Got some bad news yesterday. Sue has put in her resignation. Promises made when she was hired have not been kept. Not totally written in stone if they are met, but threw Bill into a funk. When he woke up this morning he was confussed, disoriented and aggressive. Was hard to deal with, but we got through it. Had to deal with a first for me today...Bill wanted a shave, but couldn't do it himself. SOOO for the first time in my 65years I had to shave a man. Scared the crap out of me!!! Not a perfect job, but he does look better and without a slit throat. Bless his heart, we did it in the screen room thanks to Mz.Walker...by the time it was done he was totally wiped out. It really hurt me to see him so tired and frail. We're playing around with meds again to see what works best. Can pretty much mix and match as long as he doesn't get anxiety and sleep at the same time. Together they would lower his BP too much. Do NOT want to go there. Right now Bill is napping. Need to get stuff off the line that is hopefully dry and with luck he will eat (at least a bite) of sausage and cheese biscuit that he has wanted since Thursday. Not my idea of dinner, but hey...whatever it takes and works. Silver lining for today....was georgous and no heaters in the GH tonight. Luv all ya'll...enjoy the rest of the weekend...I'm sure gonna try.
Been two months since this journey began...Bill is hanging in there, but it is a struggle. He is so thin...forget the meat...just skin and bones. We've had good days and bad this past week. Bill sleeps alot during the day and wakes about every two hours in the night...grrr. Wish we could come up with the right combo so he could sleep longer at night...not much exciting on TV and after a full day I'm not real anxious to stay up with him. Bear has gotten used to nessie...silly dog...the other day Bill had a treatment with the line drapped over Bear who could not have cared less! What a change LOL
Saturday the nextdoor neighbor brought us a peach cobbler warm from the oven. Bill had been wanting something gooey with fruit, so it was perfect. It was his dinner that night washed down with a milkshake. Fine with me...was happy to see him eat something. Sunday he had broth from my homemade ham and bean soup...nothing really to speak of since then. Hopefully tonight onion soup which he really likes. Been hard trying to come up with something that appeals to him...usually it's one bite and forget it. Dogs are happy campers though as they get the leftovers. Managed to schlepp plants into the GH over the weekend...was glad Bill slept so much and wasn't really aware that I wasn't inside with him. Made sure I had the cell in my pocket so he could call if he needed anything, which he did a few times. I absolutely HATE my phone, but was happy to have it. HATEFULL,HATEFULL beast. Bill just had to have touch screen phones...stupid thing hates me as much as I hate it. Anyone have an old VERIZON phone that isn't touch screen that you're not using??? If so, I'd be happy to give it a new home. LOL My old phone is an Altell flip that we had before Verizon took over and can not be re-activated GRRRR Always something. At least the GH is up and running even if it is earlier then I wanted. And Bill is happy that I won't have to worry over stuff getting damaged from the cold we've had. A silver lining...one less thing for him to stress over and feel guilty about since he can't help.
Had to go to town yesterday to get Bill's BP meds that hospice doesn't provide. As always Richard was here to "Bill sit". Don't know what we'd do right now without him. For some reason, medicade did not help with the cost...Sue thought it was odd too. Oh well he needs to stay on them. Also had to get a small heater for the bathroom...been too cold in there for Bill at bath time. Guess I should think about bumping the heat up some. He is still talking about another pair of jeans, bless his heart. When Sue came to see him she measured and said I should probably go with a 30" waist....YIKES...down 6" in two months!! Waiting on medical supply to bring a walker and air mattress overlay for the hospital bed. Would be wonderful if Bill could get his boney butt comfortable. He still wants to sleep in the bedroom, but the bed is so high that he's now having a hard time getting in and out. I try to help as much as possible without upsetting him...wants to do it BY HIMSELF. As much as it hurts to see him sinking, at least he isn't suffering the effects of chemo or radiation as well. He hasn't said a word about a second opinion since he was approved by medicade. Guess just knowing it is an option somehow makes him feel better, whereas before it wasn't. And so we muddle through, one day at a time. Happy Halloween to you all, as I take care of my scarecrow...would rather have Grumpy back.
Where ever does the time go ?? Can't believe it's Thursday already. Alex's dad and new wife did come on Sunday...they stayed for a few hours...was a nice visit. They said they would try to get back again before heading to Ohio in November. We have only been able to glance at Alex's stories, but he has talent. Each time I've wanted to read to Bill he falls asleep. Monday was a very depressing day for him. After a bath he wanted to look "spiffy" and deceided to wear his new jeans that he got just over a month ago and looked so good on him. Well they now practially fall off him. Bill was so very depressed...I hated to see it. Asked if he could get another pair. Told him no..no clue as to what size and this time next month would they even fit. Bill's response was to ask if he would still be here this time next month? Like to have broke my heart...he is slipping so fast. The new social worker was able to re-arange appointments and came out in the afternoon. I really like her. She took all of Bill's bills with her and will see what can be done with charges made Aug. 31 since his medicade is approved from Sept. onward. Didn't think it could be made retro back to Aug.
Tuesday Sue came out to see Bill...she had an emergency with another patient and couldn't make it Monday. It was deceided to pull the central line because the dressing over it was irritating his skin. Before she left we chatted outside and she once again commented at how quickly he is going downhill.
Yesterday I had to go to town. Bill always stresses in a big way when I'll be gone for a few hours. Gave him some anxiety medicine about an hour before I left hoping it would help. Richard was here...our rock...and I left the list of meds that Bill could have and when. He sat in the screen room for 20-30 and was totally whipped after. Richard said he had a really hard time getting back inside. When I got home Bill was asleep hooked up to R2D2. Woke up about 4:15 very upset and stressed. Asked me to call Sue, which I did. She told me what to give him and said she'd be out today. I think pulling the central line has added to his stress level. I think he's seeing that as a sign the end is near rather then the fact that it needed to go before it could become infected. Got him to bed at 8:10...woke up at 9:40 and then slept until 6:00 this morning.
Today Bill has pretty much slept all day. In fact it is almost 1:30 in the afternoon and he hasn't asked for any meds since early this morning. Not sure what to make of that...it is what it is and I'll see what Sue thinks later when she's here to check on him.
OH, forgot to mention...it's the same woman with Fed Ex that delivers Bill's meds. Friday she was asking what some of the plants were along the driveway and I sent her off with a plumeria cutting. Asked when he'd be getting the next delivery as she wanted to bring me a pencil cactus. "Plant Lady of Fountain" strikes again. Well meds came yesterday and now I have a pencil cactus! On Monday, I also sent the social worker off with a plant. :-))) Everyone has been so nice and I'm really happy that I can share plants....after all "The earth laughs in flowers".
Today is Alex's (my son) birthday and I so wish I could see him and give/get a hug. When he called this morning, Bill answered but couldn't talk long as his throat was sore and he was short of breath. At least he was able to wish him a happy birthday.
Been a very tireing week. We/they have played around with Bill's meds. No matter what time he goes to bed, between 2:30 and 3:30am seems to be his "witching hour" and he's awake and wanting meds. Makes for a long rest of the night. Still no appitite. He is slipping more each day...his memory is failing rapidly which makes life rather difficult for me. Richard commented today that he hates to see the daily change in him. I agree...he obsesses over stupid stuff, but I recoken not to him. Oh well, it is what it is. Bear isn't quite so scared of nessie...ate durning a treatment this morning and then jumped up on the bed and just lay down without shaking himself to pieces. No more massage bed?? LOL
Alex's dad was planning to go see him today and pick up a box of stuff "left on the gate". Included will be several short stories that Alex has written. He wants Bill to read them before the end, so his dad has very kindly said he will bring them here tomorrow. I'm happy that Bill will will have a chance to read them.
Called yesterday to check on Joyce...seems she has taken a turn for the better and hopefully they will pull the vent tube. Good news for sure. Nothing new today.
Bill has been watching the weather, and is concerened about my plants...bless his heart. Last night I covered the washer with adeniums at his insistance. Today I was able to get the greenhouse sorted out with Richards help, so I'm good to go to move plants. Bill is ready to hook up with nessie, but I need to move it into the living room. I hope the up-comming week is a bit easier. We should meet his new social worker either Mon or Tues....yea. With luck we'll actually get something done....which I know will put Bill's mind a bit at ease. He has been so stressed over everything. He wanted me to thank you all for the love and support...it means so much. ((((HUGS))))
Whew!!! what a roller coaster ride since Saturday! Sunday Bill was really "off". In the middle of doing something he would fall asleep. By 4pm I was worried and tried to take his BP...no luck after 3 tries, so I called hospice. The weekend on call nurse called and said she'd be out to check on him. Even though she had been here twice before, she got turned around so it took awhile for her to arrive. Took Bill's BP and was concerened that it was as low as it was. She called the "care center" to see if they had room and the doc. Bill said he would go, but changed his mind...he was very anxious and disoriented...afraid he would not be allowed to come home again and would die there. Bless his heart...in the process of trying to brush his teeth he sprayed the toothbrush with deororant and then reached for the shave cream. Got him good to go with toothpaste. It was deceided to let him stay home. The doc told the nurse to open the "comfort pack" and give him a stronger anxiety med. Was a very long night.
Sue called in the morning and said she'd be out later in the afternoon. Bill had a good day...difference between black and white. Guess we're sitting on the next plateau. Today has been so-so. He is napping right now hooked up to R2D2. He should be getting a breathing treatment, but I'm not gonna wake him. Wants hash and eggs for dinner...hope he eats some. He did pretty well last night with pizza, which really surprised me.
So while all this is going on with Bill, I get a call that Joyce...my driver to and from the hosp for my proceedures...has been in the hosp since Friday and is now on total life support. Holy crap!!! Knew she wasn't feeling well but sure did NOT expect this news. And so we continue to plod along...one day at a time. Wish I could help Joyce's daughter in some way, but my plate is full. At least I can hold them in my heart and thoughts. Not looking foreward to telling my son as he thinks of Joyce as his second Mom.
